A Re-Evaluation

I have had some recent events that have got me thinking about relationships.

There's the ones we have with the family we grew up with, our significant others, our friends, co-workers, and anyone who we interact with on a daily basis who we can't really define as being in any particular category.

What got me thinking about this is from an event that occurred a few weeks ago.

Right now I rent a room in a house. It's cheap. It's a place to eat and sleep and take a shower. BAM. It covers all my basic needs. I didn't know any of the people in this house before moving in, however, this isn't the first time I have done this and I've never had a negative experience so I'm not opposed to this kind of arrangement. But here's what has happened:

Previous tenants did not get along so well with the homeowner {who lives here}, a verbal argument occurred outside my room and the tenants expressed that they would be leaving sometime at the end of the month. Everyone knew that I heard this because at one point I had to make the awkward exit from my room in the middle of it to go somewhere. Really. Awkward.

Now, my homeowner is a bit screwy, and a little manipulative and I have caught her in lies with me before. These tenants were filthy and not always forthcoming. Whatever. Not my business. Regardless, I live here, I expect people to be people and move on to live my life.

I had become friendly with these tenants after a weird episode with my homeowner so I would exchange pleasantries with these two, we had a few drinks out on the town once, you know, social things so I don't become a hermit. But once they left a specific moment in time altered this weird, undefined category that they were in.

They threatened to sue the homeowner over some things so the homeowner went and actually put paperwork in to sue them for several things, one of which included the fact that the couple never gave a specific move out date in writing {or even the verbal argument outside my room}. 

I got a phone call from the previous tenants asking for a written statement of what I had heard. The thoughts inside my head went like this "Oh God, why me?" I initially asked if there was a way around all of this, if they could just talk things out with the owner...blah blah blah....and all I got were excuses. This whole thing was being blown out of proportion. I ended up meekly stammering "Ok," at the end {completely not like me}. For one, everyone in the situation knows that the details were vague and, if anything, my testimony would only hurt them because it would confirm that they never did give written notice and that an official date was never set and they left the home without the homeowner even knowing they were gone.

"Bahahaha," I thought when I hung up. I never intended to send them a letter. I just wanted out of the conversation and they gave me the all-assuring "So-and-so won't even know the letter is from you to hide your identity since you still live there. We can submit it to the judge without her knowing who it was from since your well-being in the house is a concern to us." Whatever, you're not getting one anyway.

To make a very long story short, they emailed the homeowner within hours of that conversation saying that they had in their possession a signed statement from me backing them up that they were going to use against her in court if she didn't back down.

Now remember: I'm living with a homeowner who has squirrel-y morals and a temper. Things did not go well. I also called the old tenants back at some point afterwards in pure shock and reamed them out to which point I found out "Well, our lawyer says it would be better to have you say it in person so we are just going to have a to subpoena you."

Over my dead body.

I have been waiting for this subpoena for some time now, I'm living in my current situation trying not to interact with anyone else until I move here shortly (my homeowner must really need the money because after she went bat-shit-crazy on me she tried to convince me to stay), and it has me re-evaluating qualities that I see in people.

For instance, I watch Big Bang Theory when I cook dinner at night and tonight the episode where Sheldon gets a summons to court because he ran a red light to get Penny to the hospital for her dislocated shoulder was airing. He asked her why he was getting the summons and she told him that she didn't want to pay the fine so, ultimately, she threw him under the bus to get out of the ticket. Now, normally I would be fine with watching something like this but tonight I wasn't.

I think about all the times we do this kind of stuff to loved ones and people we care about. How many times has this worked out for people? Should we really put up with that? Is dealing with people who do this kind of stuff to us what is considered to be "unconditional love"?

I'm sure I haven't always been the best person towards others, I'm positive of it actually. It's hard to remember through almost 30 years of memories but have I ever done something so nasty as what the old tenants are doing to me right now? Have I?!?! And if I have, what was my reasoning?

The distance between my husband and I at the moment has put a strain on our communication recently. We get a little more short-tempered than usual, a little more lippy....but we cope. But should we be behaving this way towards one another because things aren't working out the way we want?

I also think about all the lost opportunities that I have had to be around good people in order to, oh, let's say....go for a few drinks with roommates who may not seem so upstanding after all???

I'm normally good at picking out the bad apples covered in caramel, but recently I have been waaaaay off my game. I have been away from loved ones and placed in new surroundings while at the same time knowing no one and have come out on top with great friends almost from the instant I have arrived there. I have been gone for a year and I have swung and missed at every attempt at friendship that I have tried to make here. What gives?

So, I am going to re-assess. I'm going to re-assess what I have been doing and who I have tried to connect with. It's almost like dating again. And more importantly, despite being away from the ones I truly care about and have forged deep connections with, I'm going to make more of an effort to keep those lines open and strong because I know the few who do make that short list of people I categorize as "loved ones" would never stab me in the back.

Take a lesson from me, and love on those people in your life who would always do right by you and give them the same in return.

{And avoid living with crazy people, but if you absolutely have to, don't ever go out with them. I mean it. Ever.}