It's likely that I can't have kids.
BOOM.
My lengthy doctor visit went like this: apparently my body doesn't like to produce eggs. Having to go on birth control just to have a period doesn't make things good. My body, even on BC, stopped having periods 4 years ago. I'm 30 so I'm older as it is and I'm been on BC for 13 years. The combination of my age, my body, and the years I have been on birth control leads the doctor to believe that it might not work for me. In order to have anything conclusive done I will have needed to be off birth control and have actively tried to get pregnant for 6 months and fail miserably in order to get any, if at all, help. My body already didn't want to have kids apparently and I went and unknowingly made it worse.
So much for the romance with it all. Knowing what I know, trying and knowing I will fail for 6 months will kill me on the inside. The disappointment. The depression of it all.
I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Waiting to be financially stable, waiting to be with the right person, waiting to have a career and something to be proud of. I was married to someone else when I was 24. I could have thrown caution to the wind and done it but I had self-control and knew it wouldn't be right for us. Six years later, I'm wondering "What the hell?" And it all feels really terrible.
Being 30 all of my friends and family members are having babies. My Facebook news feed is blowing up with it. My husband has 3 kids with a woman who didn't even like him in the first place but wanted to ride on his coat-tails to she didn't have to work or do anything.
I hate knowing that someone else got to have what I want to have with my husband.
I am never going to get the chance to meet the child that comes from the both of us. I'm never going to get to hear his/her voice and hold his/her hand.
This is not fair.
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