This week has been out of control. I repeat, out of control. The cause is from several things going wrong all at once, one of which includes the nefarious activities of my husband's ex-wife E.So let me give you a very small glimpse into the heinousness that is this woman and illustrate that I'm not always such a big fan of my own gender (sorry ladies).
1. She is dating a man who physically abused my step kids and who is also a drug addict.
Yup. Let that one go ahead and sink in. M and I didn't find out about the abuse til 5-6 months after the event happened because his oldest son (they are all in elementary school) mentioned talking to the police at school and when my husband called he was referred to Child Protective Services. That was the first time we heard anything. E didn't tell us about the abuse because she wanted the boyfriend back living in the house because that's how needy she is. She also only recently told me about the drug abuse because she was trying to make an argument that judging others isn't right. The irony is that she openly judges M, his family, and myself in front of the kids and naturally spreads lies about us to other people. Fortunately, because she's crazy she has made it so that she has estranged a lot of people and now they are beginning to realize her instability.
2. She had kids to avoid working.
I'm not a feminist, but that disgusts me. My mom was a SAHM and she was a working mom when my brothers and I were little. My dad eventually asked her to stay at home, which she begrudgingly did, until we were in high school and she went back to work. E has spent her whole life avoiding having to work. M adopted my oldest step-son because E got accidentally knocked up in her first year of college by some guy and dropped out. She met M and since M is a sucker for kids and loves the idea of family they were married quickly after meeting and despite M's request for her to continue working since he couldn't afford 3 people on his salary she ignored it and quit her factory job. Oh, and then got pregnant shortly after to seal his fate. She was also in the National Guard and was called up to deploy and didn't want to go. Their 3rd child is alive only because she intentionally got pregnant to not serve the country she volunteered to serve for. She has a CNA and one other type of nursing associate's degree. That field is brimming with job opportunities, but has she ever gotten a job in any of them? Nope. Out of ALL of her classmates and friends who have the exact same certificates and who have all found jobs and have kids of their own she's the only one who says she can't seem to find a job. We've sent her newspaper clippings of job ads, texted her with signs we've seen for help wanted, and even signed her up for an email service that sends ads for jobs in those fields within a certain distance of her home. Has she ever even filled out an application. Nope.
3. She is always a damsel in distress.
She doesn't have the ability to take responsibility for anything and she can't function without a man in her life to fix it for her. Everything is always everyone else's fault. I have spoken with her on the phone before (and her own family member, which she doesn't realize) and when something wrong is happening in her life it's always "No one will help me", "I'm always so stressed out", "This is not fair, I've never done anything wrong". Inevitably though her family says they offer her assistance, they try to help her out and she just pushes them away to be with that scumbag guy. He was removed from the home bu CPS and instructed not to talk to her or the kids but she openly admits that because "no one was helping" her she "had to jump through hoops" to get him back in her and the kids' lives. She often claims that people are out to hurt her and "her babies" (which is dark because she's using it metaphorically when she is living with a man who has actually done just that to the kids).
I have to admit, I'm really confused why my grandmother and great-grandmother's generation fought so hard for gender equality only to have women come to this. I still believe in SAHM but I know very strong, confident, and independent SAHM's who understand that they still have to take responsibility for things and can be really innovative and involved in the community and social projects. That sort of mindset and situation in what women fought for in addition to going to work. They wanted to have freedom of choice to work or stay home and if they stayed home, have the ability to still be active in the community. Today, some women have taken advantage of this. E sits at home and watches tv all day and shops on QVC when she has no money.
4. She's as dishonest as they come.
She has never spoken about anything truthfully in the 4 years that I've been with my husband. Not once. Everything is a fabricated lie and if what someone else recalls about an incident makes her look bad and doesn't coincide with her story--you're a total, evil, shitbag in her book. She is truly that sick. She is all about a good image of herself, which is typically a red flag that the person is rotten and prefers to look squeaky-clean because of her obvious shortcomings. Nothing is her fault, everyone has done everything to her, she never has money, she's not living with the abusive guy anymore and how dare we assume she is...etc. The list of her lies is too long to recite. My nickname for her is Colon because she's so full of shit.
5. She psychologically, physically, and financially can't support the kids but won't give them up to their father because they are her meal ticket.
We don't live in a state even near the kids. She took the kids back to her home state and got the divorce so that the kids were in that state's jurisdiction to make it harder for M to get his kids back in the state he was living in. Since M is the only one working and because E has been the primary care-giver because of that, the kids were kept with her. Even now, because my husband works and despite us taking her to court for a number of different infractions to their divorce agreement and the instability in their lives with this guy in their life, they are with her.
Maybe husband pays a hefty child support amount. When E left the destructive boyfriend for a few short months and used my husband's child support money to get tattoo's, go out and drink often with her friends, take trips, buy several new animals, and go shopping on QVC and go to Thirty-One bag parties. The heat at the house was shut off (in addition to child support my husband had to pay half of the mortgage on the house she was living in but she never paid the half she needed to so he was paying the whole amount so the house wouldn't go into foreclosure because with his job they would have fired him), she didn't pay her part of the mortgage, debt collectors were calling M and I and his parents, her car almost got repo'd twice (which still had M's name on it even though the court told her to take his name off four years ago), and countless other things.
She coaches the kids on what to say around people and they are so upset and confused because his parents will ask them random things about their life just to talk to them and they will say "Our mom says we can't tell you that." They are confused about right and wrong and the oldest has said he doesn't want to be around the boyfriend and when M told E that she ignored him and said that he wasn't around. So, naturally, the kids have had to adjust to being around someone who is unsafe and dealing with it all at very young ages.
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It's sick. The whole thing is sick. What I have found out from this whole experience is that women really do have all the rights and men have very little. We talk about equality and then we push the men down and steal their rights like it's a completely different situation. It's not. It's all gender inequality and the people who get hurt are the children. If you choose to intentionally have kids, or end up accidentally having them, you still choose to have them and the individual that you had them with is there whether you like it or not.
I'm putting this out there because I'm really confused at my gender. I've even Google'd stuff like this to see whether I'm alone or not and I have found an overwhelming amount of evidence to suggest that there are a number of women everywhere who are having this problem with their husband's ex-wife. Like many other cases, E had tried to break up my husband and I because of our long-distance relationship at the moment. She asks him if he ever misses them being a family and has even told me on the phone that she wishes she had stayed with him for his money.
This has to stop. I would really encourage anyone reading this to advocate for women to be better than this terrible example and if they know anyone who act similarly to this, to get them to stop. Don't encourage this. E's family did for years and now that they know about the drugs and abuse it was an unfortunate eye-opener to them. And because they had encouraged her craziness for years their sudden dislike of her choices made it so that she pushed them away and the kids aren't even allowed to see the extended family members living only a few short blocks away from them. Those kids are completely isolated now. In my opinion, awareness to this needs to be raised and people need to start advocating for better behavior, even from mother's.
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