I Want To See The Signs

Sometimes, I feel like God is forgetting that I'm here. I know that's not possible but I feel like it.

I'm really stressed out and things in my life are going in a completely different direction than what I thought. What's worse is that I kind of had this coming. I wanted my life to be a little shaken up but I never imagined it would be this different. I wish I could have had the wisdom to know that the way I imagine things being is never actually how my life turns out. 

I usually daydream about my life and come up with these really great scenarios about trying out different things and achieving different goals and that things will work out. It always starts out so great in the beginning {and in previous posts I mention my love for planning} and I think "How could this not turn out well?" and then the very straight point A to point B scenario swerves into K, taking a turn to P which hiccups into points X, Y, and Z. Adventure is great and builds character and all...but I have plenty of both of those things and I feel more lost than anything.

And I feel bad for my husband too. M only ever wants me to be happy. He wants me to be fulfilled and successful and happy with my life. I feel really bad.

I pray about this. I'm always very clear with God when I ask for help. I say what's troubling me and I ask for guidance and it usually goes into a variation of this phrase: "You know me, God. You know I get confused easy and that when you tell me things I misinterpret them so I need you to give me very CLEAR signals as to what you want me to do." I'm not an expert in prayer or anything but I'm ether not getting any signs, or I'm missing them completely. I can't tell if God wants me to take the wheel and just keep spinning about like I am or if God wants me to let go completely and take the wheel for me for awhile.

I can't really tell what's going on.

I'm going to keep praying and all, I know God is hearing me, I am only afraid that things aren't going to work out. I have done a lot of things that I have wondered about and wish I had done differently but there are a lot of important things coming up soon that I really need God's attention on. All I can do is pray, right?